Fear and Faith

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about fear and faith; often two sides of one coin.

In life, if we are to live openhearted and brave, we must face our fears.  It is, I think, inevitable.  And in order to not only face our fears, but move through and past them, we must have faith that it will all work out.  

Otherwise, we would never take risks, never grow or expand or push boundaries.  We carry faith in ourselves, others or the universe or a spiritual force. 

 This particular topic was a major theme in the President Obama's inaugural address, and I kept loudly agreeing into the t.v.; "yes, speak the truth!"

I was really inspired by his words about addressing climate change and finally acting to face the realities of global warming.  YES!  The President reminded us, "The path towards sustainable energy sources will be long and sometimes difficult. But American cannot resist this transition. We must lead it...

We must act, knowing that our work will be imperfect [sic]."  

How beautiful and true.  When we know what we must do; we must act without fear.  We must accept imperfection and keep the faith.  Here I am before my run around the Big Island; stocking up on plastic water bottles.  I see this discrepancy in my values for running and exploring the land, with using such vital resources as challenging progress for sure!

I do think we need to assess our actions and make changes.  One big action I take each day is abstaining from driving a car or eating animal products; and instead leading the way by riding my bike and eating locally grown produce, nuts and grains.  

Here's last night's dinner post run with Big Island Running Company.  A refreshing Koko Brown beer by Kona Brewing Company and a bowl of locally grown purple sweet potatoes, broccoli, and avocado.  

I supplemented the meal with imported quinoa and tempeh, and JuicePlus, protein sources and extra nutrients that I depend on as an athlete.  My choices are not perfect.  

However, I keep the faith that my actions to tread lightly on our resources, each day, matter.  This, just like many steps in life, is an ongoing journey.

A final note on acting to face our fears and keep the faith; as Obama pointed out, we must act together, as a community and nation to make progress.  We must accept help, encouragement, leadership and advise from others, and act together to make real change happen.  

I am working on facing my social fears, and getting out of my occasional hermit-dome, and reaching out to others to build a community of trail runners and health conscious folks.  

I've started getting to group runs more, am reaching out the local community for sponsorship and fund raising opportunities, and recently organized a MeetUp group:  Big Island Trail Runners.  Yes, progress can be a bumpy road littered with plastic water bottles, but we can only keep that faith that we will move on and arrive at some beautiful and rewarding places.

Courage and Convictions

The other day, a personal coach and good friend of mine wrote an inspiring blog entry about courage and actions that was so full of truth, vulnerability and openhearted bravery.

He asked blog readers to respond with where in their lives they would like to be more courageous and what that would look like?  

15 minutes later, as I was planning a run anyhow, I intentionally ran in my sports-bra only for the first time.  This picture is from last October, on my run around the Big Island, when out of necessity I stripped down due to rain and a drenched shirt.

What I want to say admit about this act is this truth:  

I have issues with my body image

I do.  And I say it big, because I think a lot of us do; especially in the health and fitness world, but anywhere one can see advertisements and popular media too.

To move forward with courage in the world; I believe we must first respect ourselves enough to be truthful, honest and vulnerable and openhearted for bravery and courage to follow.

And the truth is, that I obsess about my weight, I worry over my body fat distribution and generally over-think my food choices and body image.

It's said.  My courageous action in response to my fear and doubt about my body:  owning it.  As I said in my previous post, this year I am facing huge challenges; signing up for races I never dreamed I could do, and there is little room in my life for playing small or succumbing to negative self talk.

And I also want to say that right now, I feel better about my body and my food choices than ever before.  I think this is due to the second theme of today's blog entry:  Conviction.

Something that running marathons and living here in Kona, HI amongst Ironman and Ultraman athletes has taught me is:  with dedication, conviction and hard work, anything is possible.

Right now, I know I am training harder than ever before, and it's not easy for me.  I have to write lists; put up motivational sayings all over my apartment; set my alarm; ice my body and do it all over again.  Yes, I am a naturally active person, but this type of training takes discipline and lots of it.  

The rewards are paying off; I feel and look stronger than ever.

A huge part of that is my input; I'm eating better than ever before; my diet (which is totally plant based) is richer in more veggies, fruits, legumes, whole grains, nuts and seeds than ever before.  I feel strong in my conviction to deeply care for the earth and my body and it's having a positive impact on my eating habits and psyche in general.


I am connecting more with the land and abundant resources each day; and my food purchasing power is finally transferring to my pet!  I've struggled for years with feeding my dog something I feel good about; something sustainable and affordable, and I've finally discovered an easy routine of sweet potatoes, turkey, fish, oats and papaya for my best friend, Reba.

No big surprise:  she's pretty happy too!

Running Rejection and Rejuvination

Rejection can be a sharp edged part of life.

For a sensitive soul like me, who thinks and dreams at length, rejection can be debilitating.  However, going off the theme in my previous post, "attitude is everything" I will also say that rejection can be an instigator of harder work.  We might dig in, and persevere harder than ever.

So, here's what happened.  I am planning on running the Ultramarathon Caballo Blanco this March in the Copper Canyons of Mexico.  YES!

My heart, my mind, my body say yes.  The universe, however, is putting me through some challenges to get there.  My good friend who convinced me that I should run it is perhaps not running it after all.

The bigger stumbling block is funding; and I am reaching out to sponsors and asking for help in this tremendous effort.  My first response and second response was a quick "no".

Okay, but sometimes rejection makes you try harder.  And that is what I'm hoping for.  My attitude this year is to embrace my bliss and my dreams with my whole heart and live fully.  There is little space in this equation for playing the victim or feeling small.

I am training harder than ever, and focusing on preparation.  I'm getting ready for the 50 mile Ultramarathon with two long runs each weekend, and mixing it up throughout the week with long bike rides or swims for cross-training, and a lot of strength work.

I'm all dressed up and ready for the party. 

But, just like a preview of the toughness of running 50 miles over rocky trails over canyons and gulches that will come on March 3rd; preparing for the journey is proving tough!  My body and my debt are paying the price for following my passions.  Is this what following your heart feels like?  Painful?

And I think part of the answer is "yes".  Because I'm in some pain, but I'm also in flow.  When I run at 5 a.m. through the crisp Kona, HI air, and feel my heart pumping with the earth; then come home and recover with locally grown papaya, pineapple and vegetables; I feel totally in sync with the universe.

So, I suppose the answer from the world to my upcoming journey is YES.  There may be challenges and frustrations and limitations, but all we can do is move forward.  

New Year, New Beginnings

Yesterday, as I was riding the bus to Hilo from Kona for the amazing farmers market, I thought a lot about the New Year and cycles of change.

Plants germinate and sprout, explode into growth and reach for the warmth of the sun; then produce seeds and well... die; or go dormant.  Is this a "bad" thing, a fact of life, or a wondrous miracle?  I think it all depends on attitude.

As I rode the bus through the gorgeous Hawaiian landscape, I pondered my current work/ love life and thought, "geez, am I stuck in the same old places?"  I suddenly felt like a dog chasing it's tail; making changes and experiencing expansion, then returning to busing tables and feeling unfulfilled.

What I realized was that any cycle of change; seasons, time, age, growth can be seen as degenerative and negative, constant and steady or uplifting and mobile.

It is up to you to decide if you are moving forward through cycles of change, staying constant or spiraling downward.   

Attitude is everything after all!  And often we don't even notice the changes and growth because most changes happen slowly with tiny movements; as with the seasons.

So, in this time of resolutions, reflection and new intentions, I offer two things:

1) We decide what type of attitude with which to see and experience the world.  

If you find yourself with a laundry list of resolutions to help fix current problems or struggles in your life, try simply changing your lens on the situation, challenge your thoughts or feelings and express more aloha and love and watch as things begin to shift before your eyes.

2)  Focus on small changes in lifestyle and habit rather than attempting sweeping giant changes.

Do you want to eat more fruits and vegetables this year?  Be more active and fit?  Meet more friends?  Travel more?  Try setting small, achievable goals and making micro- movements.  These really tend to add up and make real changes in lifestyle.  This takes patience of course... but remember that in nature, growth happens slowly and sometimes can't be seen from moment to moment.      

Do you wish to be healthier and more energetic.  Focus on your input.  Studies show that eating a diet rich in fruits, vegetable and whole grains along with moderate exercise significantly decreases cholesterol, helps us slim down and feel healthier. 

 Even I fall off my plant based habits on occasion, (see my last post on post-race indulgence) but I've programmed my body with small changes over time to crave a rainbow of nutritious foods on my plate or in my smoothie.  And I do feel awesome!